Welcome to the latest installment of the Bettie's Advice Blog in which you send us tales of your woes, questions or comments and we either tell you to fuck off or set you right. Please mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org no later than Wednesday evening. All queries will be kept in the strictest of confidence, unless of course you're hot and you send naked pics. Then we will track you down and stalk you within an inch of your life!
Please have your questions in no later than Wednesday evening (wherever you live in the world is just fine with us. As Muffin likes to say, 'It's five o'clock somewhere.')
Without further adieu, here are the souls that need our attention this week:
I think there may be something wrong with me, you know, sexually. I have recently discovered that I have a fetish for wearing woman's clothes, especially lingerie and shoes. I am married, and I haven't told my wife because we were both raised as Jehovah's Witnesses and are very active in the church. If my fellow Witnesses knew...I'm afraid of what might happen. I'm even terrified to tell my wife... What should I do?
The Sinner Wears Prada
I am quite frankly more disturbed by your religion than your preference for frilly knickers. In my book, any religion that does not accept a human being for the person they are is not one to be bothered with. The basis of most faiths gives human beings a structural framework by which to live in order to make them a more productive member of society. I know many people of all walks of life, and most of them are good, accepting individuals. Not all of these people are religious, and of those who are, they are not of the same religion.
It takes many different kinds of people to make up this big old world, and that's the way it should be. How boring would we be if we all thought in the same way? Anyone who loves you for who you are rather than what you represent will understand and accept whatever it is that makes you truly happy. Do you love your wife, and are kind to her? Do you have a job? Are you a good father? Do you pay your taxes? Do you volunteer your time or funds to charity? These things are the measure of a man and are part of what makes him a good person. Your God doesn't care what you look like. He thinks you're perfect and loves you for the person you are.
Now let's get down to the underlying issue here. You like to wear woman's clothing, but are you fantasizing about men? Are you sexually attracted to your wife or do you secretly fantasize about having sex with men? Do you wish you had tits and a vagina?
I'd say that you probably don't. Just because you want to dress like a chick in your spare time, it doesn't mean that you want to fuck dudes. But if you do? That's okay too.
I'd say you should come clean to your wife. She might be okay with it. You could trade style tips! Do each others' hair! Go shopping together! For her it would be like having a girlfriend, only you are so much more to her. This is a great opportunity for you to share a facet of your deepest inner self, and it might even make you closer. Go for it, dude.
Prada? Really? I was so hoping you'd say Apple~Bottom Jeans and Boots With da Fur...
I'm not really sure what Jehovah would have said , but God wouldn't mind! We are all Gods Creatures made into his likeness with kindness and good! Unless you're Republican...then you're just all hell Fire and Brimstone and just mark my Gay loving liberal words...You're gonna burn in damnation for your eternal life cuz You're pretty much Gay! Republican's don't like the gays, you know unless its them and its a misunderstanding in a bathroom stall....But I digress....Look I get it, I know how sexy the perfect pair of Supergirl Boy Shorts make you feel under that power suit! If your wife Loves you....then she will love you wearing her underwear....if she leaves you....then you don't have to fear if the panties you're wearing are her once a month panties or every day draws....Basically you no longer have to share! What size shoe do you wear? I wear a Boy Size 7....Please tell me you have little feet, I'd love to borrow a pair of your strappy Jimmy Choo's!
The Panty Muffin Loves You!
Dear Sinner Wears Prada;
I'm in agreement with our resident Muff, here on this one. Jimmy Choos are the things most women dream of owning, and if your wife has big feet and you have small ones, you could buy her some Jimmy Choo's (even though they are secretly for you.) Just don't resort to hair pulling to settle wardrobe jealousies.
Now, to answer your problem. I don't see a problem, other than your wife not knowing. It sounds to me that you are a consenting adult with a sexual fetish that harms no one, nor threatens anyone's safety. You are entitled to have this fetish AND to act out on it in a place that feels safe and comfortable to you.
It seems to me your real problem is you need to share this with your wife. She will have some kind of reaction be it good or bad, but it will no longer be a gorilla of a secret you are carrying on your back.
As for your church issue, ( and I use the word "church" liberally here as I feel The witnesses are a backward and brainwashing cult.) I don't know quite what to tell you. Your chances of being accepted as a cross-dresser would not go over well from what I know of the religion.I would start with your wife. Baby steps, SWP, baby steps.
I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I think he might be cyber-cheating. He's been chatting a lot on Skype and using social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook a lot... and I know that he has girls on there that I don't know and he says he's been friends with them since before he met me. But this is all he does. He doesn't have hobbies and he's stopped watching tv or talking to me. All he does is stay up really late talking to people on the internet. Should I try to break into his email to see what he's doing?
Feels Cheated On
Dear Feels Cheated on....
Muffin doesn't pull punches, I love you all just the same, I have no favorites....the reason you feel cheated on is BECAUSE THE A$$HOLE IS CHEATING ON YOU! YES break into his email, You should have already done this... and while you're at it change his password to "CheatingDick".
We will always be here for you girl!
xoxo The Been there Done that... Muffin!
Don't go getting all crazy ass. He might not be physically cheating, but he for sure is cheating on you emotionally, which is in fact worse than him sticking it in someone else. For some people, having sex is like scratching an itch. It's the emotional connection he's making with someone else that is the far worse crime. You don't want to go at him all balls to the wall with fury, it makes you look like an asshole when in fact he is the one who's an asshole. Just dump his sorry ass! You don't need that bs in your life, and there are plenty of men in the world for you to have a rattle with until you find one that you can actually stand to be around full time.
My favourite film is Love Actually. This clip sums up cheaters perfectly:
I couldn't find the entire scene on YouTube, but it's well worth watching the entire film. He's making a fool out of you, making a fool out of your life. Don't let him do that to you. You are worth more, and deserve to be treated with more respect. If you are not getting what you need out of a relationship, cut your losses quickly and move on. Every second you spend with the wrong man takes away from your own precious time. It's better to be alone than to be part of a couple and still be lonely. Handle yourself with dignity and grace, and be strong enough to leave him. The Betties have your back.
Twills is right. You feel cheated on because you ARE being cheated on. I have been through this particular scenario, and it hurts as much if not more than knowing he put his dick in someone else. This was a man I told all my deepest secrets, wishes and worries to. And he was on the computer playing games that I know nothing about, but he played with other people, many of them women. He always said the same thing when I asked him to please stop communicating with these women---we're just friends. Stop being paranoid.
But FCO, I wasn't just being paranoid when I found his Myspace page password (I didn't even know he had one) where I found blogs, emails, saved chats, and a few other things....like the email he wrote that ended "I love you, always."
It wasn't for me.
I wasn't being paranoid, and neither are you.
There are a lot of lonely people in the world, and the internet has brought people together, some even into marriage. But he has a partner - you. If those women were to say the things to my partner in front of me, say in a bar, (not that I believe they'd have the balls to say that shit out loud) it would not be Okay. It is not Okay in an email, or a text message, or him communicating with these hussies whilst you sit alone, or go to bed alone, or just sit feeling lonely, even when the one you love is ten feet away on that damn computer again.
I'm sorry to tell you this, honey, but end it now. Save yourself a lot of pain later on by ending it now and taking a little less pain, because it's not going to change.
Mother always said "Once a cheater, always a cheater." And you know what? She was right. Emotional cheating is cheating. Period.
Good Luck sugar, you have a hard road ahead of you. Be strong. You can do it!
Just so you know, I think he deserves a swift and hard kick to the junk. See how romantic he feels after that.
Well folks, here ends another week of the best free advice you will find on the 'net.
Remember, if you have a question you need an answer to, send it to email@example.com before Wednesday Midnight p.s.t.
We'll be back next Friday with two more questions and the Bettie's best advice.
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