Hey there all you hep cats, cool chicks and swingers. Welcome to the first edition of the "Betty's advice blog" - "We can help you. Trust us, you need it"
We will be answering two of your questions every Friday, so don't forget to send them in to email@example.com by Wednesday night 8pm est if you want our sage and heartily sarcastic advice.
Here are this weeks questions and advice. Enjoy!
1) I just found out that a friend of mine is having an affair. Should I confront her about it or just pretend that I haven't found out? Her husband is such a nice guy, and the whole issue is really bothering me. What should I do?
First of all, is this guy hot? If there's any chance that you could snag him for yourself, I'd totally tell him. He'll want to cry on your shoulder and you can support him through the difficult time, thereby leading to you getting into his pants. The loose wench doesn't deserve him! Unless of course she's told you that he's bad in bed, otherwise stay the fuck away from him and let her have her fun. And don't be such a judgmental prude! Gawd!
Brans~Muffin aka Muffin says:
Does she have anything you want other then her man? Can you blackmail her for it? Take Pictures! Basically whats in it for you? Decide that first and then proceed with caution....also consider is she prettier than you? I don't want your opinion I want her friends and your friends opinion...cuz they know the truth...If shes hotter than you then mind your own business....Cuz here's how it plays out....He was thankful to land her Hot Ass in the first place, She's gonna cry and call you a liar (Reason you need pics!) they are gonna have fantastic make up sex and you're out two friends! Enjoy spending alone time!
I'm not sure it's really any of your business, Nosey Nelly. How did you find out he was having an affair? Are you the one doing the nasty hump with him? Probably, since only the guilty seem to write in for advice, or better yet, absolution for their own sins. Give him up, Slutty McSlutterson, I see the game you are playing. Shame on you!
2) My boyfriend and I are really adventurous in bed, but last night he asked if he could pee on me. I let him do it, but I didn't like it. Is he going to ask me to do that all the time now? How do I get out of it without hurting his feelings?
Terrified of the wet spot
Are you dating John Mayer? Just asking... Anyway, if his mother didn't potty train him properly, you have a whole lot of work ahead of you. Does he still wear nappies to bed so he doesn't wet? I understand you are concerned about his feelings, but fuck, he wants to PISS on you. Is he going to like it if you piss on him? I'd say don't bother yourself one iota about his feelings, what you should do the next time he asks is say that it doesn't turn you on. (You don't have to call him a freak, but I totally would) If he insists, tell him to fuck off. What kind of a relationship do you have if you can't tell your partner to fuck off once in a while? Not a strong one, for sure.
Oh, wait! How adventurous are we talking, here? I want details! If you have time and want to share some tips, mail them please to firstname.lastname@example.org. Let's hope they're salacious.
Muffins Got this one: Don't let him Pee on you in the Bed....Talk about who gets the wet spot if that's gonna happen! (EWE! the lingering effects are just unbearable) Shower Peeing is ok, If he or She has peed 100xs before the actual Pee Action...Cuz if not...ewe the smell!? No Alcohol Pee, No Ocean Spray Cranberry Pee cuz that means they got some kind of UTI and god forbid you should have cut your leg shaving yesterday and they pee bladder infection or Vodka and cranberry juice on ya! Also No Asparagus consumption 72 hours prior to the deed....and for God SAKES DON'T TELL ANYONE Else this mess is going on in the bedroom....You'll be the dinner conversation at every table in the cafeteria...OR....You could just tell em all to "piss off", cuz a Happy Man is a Good Man indeed!
I am not as accepting as my two wise colleagues. Do you know how many urine borne diseases there are? What part of you does he want to pee on? I mean what happens if it gets in your mouth? You could become really ill, and then how would you explain it? What if you are allergic to his pee? You would end up with a pee pox, and you can't explain that away, it's like trying to call a hickey a curling iron burn. No one is that stupid. Brans is right, this is something you should never share with anyone.Ever.
Do you want to be known as a human urinal?
Well there you all go, thanks for stopping by, hopefully our advice to others may help you in your own little, tiny life.
See you next week (Because try to remember this happens EVERY Friday.) We are here to help you weekly.
See you then!
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