Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Bitter Sweet Goodbye to loves of my youth, Hello Hunky Husband!

I have so many new blog ideas I don't really know where to start! I have had a few experiences lately that would make me even consider throwing away the key board and picking up the video camera. So much of my personality during story time (IE this Blog) is lost via the typing of it! I have been complimented for my ability to paint a picture with words, and for that reason alone I will proceed with the "Hot Yoga and Who~Ha sweat blog" via the key board. Enter this blog....as You do need the back story to appreciate the front story! For lack of better example...To appreciate the next blog ie: Who~Ha Sweat and Hot Yoga (Not sure which order the title will appear, it could go either way really) I must take you through the journey of how and why I started smoking in the first place....so here in lies the "Back Story"...Im sure I will shed a tear typing it!

I am quickly approaching the 2nd anniversary of my break up with Phillip Morris. It was not an easy break, Phillip and I went way back! He and I were Childhood Sweethearts! I actually took on my first job as news paper girl at age 13 just so I could Buy my beloved Marlboro Lights!

Marlboro lights gave me attitude, they gave me status, and they gave me the courage to approach the boy I would loose my virginity too! Another Breakup that left me scarred for life....Brian Collier: He was so cool standing across the street smoking that Marlboro Red! He was Kinda Tall (Taller then me...I was 5'5") thin, w/ Blonde Hair, Wearing that Levis Jean Jacket with the Hooded Sweatshirt underneath,
he was considered a "Hood" ~ for my Canadian friends I will define that as a Bad Boy. The Title given to him by our Jr High classmates and the home of my new clique. I was in 7th grade he was in 8th Grade.

I saw him my first day of Jr High, standing and cat calling with my now husband Hunka...Before school., It so happened we all arrived a little early to socialize, and Hunka being a Freshman at the High~school several blocks up the road always had something to say as he was passing through. (My introduction to Hunka will come later in this blog....quite creepy how it all worked out!)
So I noticed this Boy "Brian Collier" the boy I would pine after for almost a year, the boy I would put myself in the path of at every opportunity, as he made sassy remarks my way....quite rude remarks if I remember correctly! I knew immediately that I loved him! Or what a 7th grader would consider Love that is. Its a well known fact that when a boy is rude to you its because he likes you....MY SIGNATURE IS SEXY Pictures, Images and PhotosHis Four Eyes/Big Eyes comment had nothing to do with my owning the most Horrendous Coke Bottle Glasses known to exist, because I also owned Long Black Feathered hair, that via my own reflection always appeared frizzy.... but my girlfriends always seemed to compliment its perfection...I thought they were likely just being kind....I never paid a whole lot of attention to the social cues of sarcastic comments until I was much older, So perhaps it was perfect but I didn't think so.... So As girls often do about the age of middle school, I too attempted to fit in, and just about any way one can. After all....the perfect Out Fit, Boyfriend, Tennis Shoes, they defined you! So I quested... I twirled Baton for a local Drum and Baton Corp, not that I was good at it, but I wasn't bad at it, as you will notice in pattern... I did it to fit in! I also tried out for Cheerleader....I didn't make the squad but was told "academically I may be chosen for an alternate if a girl lost her spot and the first alternate didn't keep her grades tidy". That meant nothing to me really...I didn't really want to be a cheerleader...say it with me... I wanted to fit in! I will take a moment here and mention that I appreciated Coach Seymour for telling me that I was ALMOST Cheerleader, I think she felt bad for me...whoever heard of an academic alternate? I didn't have Honor Roll consistently but my grades were not bad....I knew the actual Alternate was a very smart girl, or I assumed she got good grades. You know as nosy as we all are in Jr High we knew who the "dumb kids" were and weren't... I just wanted to Stand out, Stand Up or Simply belong to a group and I suspected Coach Seymour was wise to my plight. Thank you Coach Seymour for taking the time to give me a go gettem' nod! I also tried out for the school play~ I was the Laundry Lady in a Christmas Carol but dropped out before opening night because my Dad and his wife were tools and didn't help me obtain a costume. Actually I didnt drop out... when I failed to appear at dress rehearsal (again, because I didn't have a costume) I was promptly dropped from the play!
I, fearing nothing attempted to try out for the track team, the basketball team, and volleyball my 7th grade year....Other then Track, which I made the team but was short lived...quite frankly I did not want to run, I never made another team....It didn't matter....like I said I was only trying to fit in! I never took those failures as failures and I never let the failed attempts get me down! So somewhere between Labor Day and June 1st that school year I picked up "Smoking" across the street from the Junior High with the "Hoods"!

This placed me in the sought after path of Mr Collier, it also made me appear to be some what of a Bad Ass, Got me invites to the parties at the town quarry (aka a forbidden Garden of Eden at my house), and allowed me to finally belong! Never mind that I never even french kissed a boy in the 7th grade...I could French In~hale! Never mind that Although I pinned for Mr Collier, this too was the year that Hunka became a Huge Part of my life! As well as the Entry of the other Bad ass Hoods that hung out across the street! Much love to Brian Warner, Brian Collier, Scott Barton, Mike Black (Bad Mike Black not Good Mike Black) and David AKA Hottie Husband/Hunka...there were a few more that I will leave them nameless but the shout out is in definite order for the named, for numerous life time friendships formed and remain....With the exception of Scott Barton whom has moved and cant be found, we were blessed to keep in touch through the years the clique that formed and made me a little more of who I am today! So where's the Break up story in all of this Muffin? Well....as luck would have it Hunka and I met briefly via his trips through the smokers clique on his way to school...and one winter afternoon my father mentioned we were going to go to his coworkers house, for dinner and for the adults to "play cards"....mentioning briefly that his co worker has two Boys one being the same age as me...I immediately became intrigued...After all Im a 7th grade girl and BOY CRAZY! Bring on the Boys! So he packs us up... my Sister Barb and my Sister Andie and I and we head over to this coworkers house. We enter the back door off of their kitchen and who is standing in front of me? You guessed it...HUNKA! He acted so cool, almost like he didn't know me! Who else is there? Hunka's brother Sean....the boy who sits in front of me in Science class...Super Nerd and single handily the reason I became interested in science and computers! So here we all are starring at each other and wondering~what to do? Fast forward several months and many more trips to their house including One camping trip where David and I "sleep" together...In sleeping bags... same tent, small make out session...lips slightly open w/no tongue the wedding singer defines it as "church Kiss" make out sessions

and we are now secretly boyfriend and girlfriend....For the record of first kisses: I do give David credit for my first kiss...Brian Collier was my first French Kiss....I decided long ago that David gets the credit because there for a while he distracted me from Brian Collier...I was all about Hunka! HUNKA WAS THE FIRST BOY I WOULD'VE GONE ALL THE WAY WITH! Before that could happen though I had to break up with Hunka ...You see Hunka and I kept our relationship on the Down Low....the way down low....We didnt want our parents to know we were dating because they often left us alone together for Over~Nights....These Overnights learned me a few things as well! I learned about such things as smoking pot, playing Euchre and Hunkas obsessive compulsion to organize stuff...I learned to appreciate Comic Books, Model Cars, and Dungeons and Dragons....I might add, Now Married to Hunka...WE STILL HAVE THE COMIC BOOKS I READ IN HIS ROOM 27 YEARS AGO, BECAUSE HUNKA DOESNT THROW ANYTHING AWAY!
My problem with being Hunkas Girlfriend was Hunka would not be my boyfriend in public...he would meet me at the community pool, flirt with me but never let on that we were dating. He would walk me home or we would walk back to his house where often my parents were with his parents, but it was assumed we were together because of our family dynamic and we were friends from the Hood Clique so no one ever thought the better of it...I know Brian Warner knew we were BF/GF but I dont honestly think anyone else even knew...Maybe my sister Barbie...but I was her pain in the ass kid sister so I don't think if she did know, she ever let on that she cared...David would kiss me by the tree in his yard, but never show me affection unless we were alone or hidden....Damn it, I wanted a real boyfriend, a Public Display of Affection Boyfriend. CUZ we all know I wanted to fit in! My friend Dawn had a Boyfriend Named Jeff, and he was really cool...His brother Shawn and I hung out together off and on during 6th and 7th grade! Shawn Jones taught me how to inhale cigarettes...Marlboro Menthol....I never puked so hard in all my life...I Cant smoke a menthol cigarette to this day because of it! So Dawn and Jeff are really cool or at least I think so and David and I are breaking off our relationship and Im entering 8th grade....Who do you think is "Cool Jeffs" bestie? Brian Collier! And who is my Bestie? Cool Jeffs girlfriend Dawn....and the match was made! Brandie Cole and Brian Collier...I even carved it in the library wall....to this day it remains with the exception of "Collier" being scratched out because Brian was afraid we'd get into trouble for defacing public property...I wasn't scared, I was proud! I was also cool, I smoked and the boy I pinned for was now my Public Boyfriend....I had found my place in the world.....

All this chatter about Boyfriends...The point is that I, during this time, became addicted to cigarettes! Having smoked off and on during the 6th grade and debuting as a smoker during 7th grade....by 8th grade it was a done deal, I was addicted!

I quite smoking March 15th 2008 approx 25 years after I started, I miss cigarettes, I loathe Cigarettes, they stink, they smell awesome, they are my Youth, and they aged me....My sister Smokes....I wish she would quit.

We lost Mike Black in an automobile accident on Mine and Hunkas First Anniversary 09/29/08...RIP SPUD and I love you Heidi Black!
We're likely going to bury Brian Collier this year as he lives his final days in Hospice just off of Lake Erie...Riddled with Cancer, and still smoking. Brian Collier, the taker of my innocence and one of the reasons I started smoking.
I wonder if I had to do it all over if I would have changed it? I have to say...Probably not....cuz when you're in 7th grade with something to prove...you are invincible!

So stay tuned for the next episode of "Im not smoking anymore so lets cleanses the toxins from the body....via Hot Yoga, and stay tuned for: meet Bendy Boy, and the Barbie Bitch Ive dubbed Psycho Britney wearing Mr Microphone head gear".....Oh its not gonna be pretty! ~Muffin



  1. Nice portrait of youth. About 20 years between us, but it was the same in those days. Which probably proves something obscure.

  2. Oh good grief. Now I need to re-blog the story of how I met the Dilf. There was a lot of smoking involved, but not cigarettes. ;)

  3. Holy Story, B!!! I cried at the break up of you and the Marlboros. I love them and will not be quitting anytime soon. Yeah I know the health risks, blah blah blah, but I don't drink, I'm not having sex, I hardly eat meat or drive my car, so I deserve ONE vice.

  4. But cigarettes are so much better after the sex.

  5. T- It does appear to be so doesnt it!?
    Twills do repost I missed it the first time
    Anonymous and Pina- Really you should quit!

  6. How true for so many of us at that age. Your blog reminded me somewhat of myself. Smokin was "cool", but not so much now. I, myself wish I could quit, just no willpower I suppose at this stage in my life. But one of these days...Congrats on your upcoming anniversary of being smoke free! ~Angie

  7. So that was a great story!!! Clap Clap Clap!! Bravo Bravo!!! That time period in my life was the worst for me!! Hottie Wife provided me with friendship and stimulating intelect, brought focus and purpose to my life!! Thank You!! In my world that was riddled with guilt, anger and self-destruction toward everything!!! That is one reason i pursued her for so long!!! LoveYa!!

  8. I so love that you can story tell and make me feel as I am right there with you~~ I WILL be first in line for a signed copy of " THE MUFFIN MEMOIRS"

    xoxox~ Terry~ the sister that needs to quit

  9. Thanks Terry, As I mentioned before any book I could possibly write could be read during one bowel movement...Maybe I'll submit a story to Readers Digest!


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