I'm sure you all have people like this friended on Facebook. Breeders. People who have albums upon albums full of pictures of their kids. I know I do; I'm guilty of this myself. However, I also have a few friends/distant relatives that are caption-happy.
Not only do they have hundreds of pictures of their baby, they like to write captions under them, too. Not only do they write captions like, "This one was taken at Grandma's house", they like to write captions from the baby's point of view. Things like, "I am loving being at Grandma's house right now!" Or, "Here I am looking cute in my new shirt!".
Ugh. Stop. Now.
It's all just a little too twee. If they were writing captions like, "Fuck this shit", "Get me the fuck away from these assholes", "Want BOOB!!!!", or the ever popular "I'm about to shit myself", it might actually be accurate. Babies do not currently have a point of view! Sooner or later, they will have a one and when they do I hope it's to rail against your fuckery! At which point do these people come to the realisation that their cooing through the bars of the crib actually mirrors a bystander looking through the bars on the windows of an insane asylum, watching a patient? There is a very, very fine line between cutesy and lunacy.
People who narrate their baby pictures. They suck. Since it is Wednesday, and on Wednesdays we tell the truth: Why do people suck?