Friday, April 2, 2010

It's Friday and that means it's Betties Advice Day.

Happy Friday, Bettie lovers; time for another episode of Bettie's Advice Blog.

Today we have a letter from a concerned reader who has developed what she feels may be a new problem for her.


Lets see what all the Betties have to say.




Dear Betties;

I am slightly over 40, attractive, but I'm afraid I am turning into a huge slut! I have taken many lovers in the last 6 months,(by many I mean more then 6, less than 15) and I have found that after having sex with them once or maybe twice I never call them back, I ignore their texts and phone calls. Basically if I see them in public, I act like I don't know them.
This is a pretty small town,and I'm sure these Men will soon be talking to each other if they already aren't. I know the town gossip Women are...
Why am I acting like this? I'm sure I would not want to be treated this way, and I just don't think I'm intentionally being a bitch, but I wonder. Is there something wrong with me? How do I change this horrible behaviour?
signed;
The slippery sexual road in a small town.


Pina says:

Dear slippery sex,

I have always been of the mind that if you are having a sexual relationship with a consenting adults, go big! This letter, however, makes me want to crazy glue your legs together. Though you don't mention it, I'm going to assume at least one of these men is Married. That breaks one of only this Betties absolute no-nos. In fact, it is a relationship breaker. I don't want my man putting his wang anywhere it's not supposed to be, which would be near any vag but mine.
You can bet the neighbours are talking, and it ain't about your pretty new hair-do.
You do have a problem, and it is not one that the Betties will truly be able to help you with.
It sounds like you have a serious sexual obsession/addiction, and need to consult someone who works in this field. And I would do it quick. The last thing you need is a gangful of jealous wives ganging up on you in the local Piggly Wiggly to snatch your head bald.

I wish you luck, but get help. Soon. Like now. Today.



Twills Says,

Dear Slutty Whore,


Lighten the fuck up, for fuck's sake.  If you are consenting adults there is no problem with any of this.  You're not taking advantage of these men, are you?  As long as you're not in a position of authority over them, like you're their boss or they're your kids' friends, then this is a non-issue for me.  Just use condoms, please.  We like to spread the love but not the disease.  And remember to go in for a pap smear, when you're sleeping around a lot you need one more frequently than the one year mark, just to be safe. Eff 'em and forget 'em, girl.  You have my blessing.


That's all.

Twills

XOXO




Dear Laughing my ass off at the "Dear Names" we come up with on here!
So many things have just run through my head including a Marine Corp Marathon worth of "Slippery When" sayings... but, Im now making this about me and it suppose to be about you....so lets begin shall we? It appears you, like another writer several weeks ago appear to be asking permission to follow a less then moral sexual path...So lets look at the Facts: You can only be a slut in your early to mid 20's! There is no such thing as a 40+ slut! Also if you are keeping it "Milfy" which it appears you are by your own admission of being the town pound, then you are also following the holy grail of fuckability and for this you get a Bettie Fist Bump! Please do follow the Gay Math guidelines....40 year olds with 20 year olds lends itself to Creepy middle school teacher does 8th grade football qtr back images and that's pedophilia my friend and freakin me out so keep the cougaring to a reasonable age limit! Now my fellow Betties, no doubt, have mentioned wearing or using condoms...Blah Blah, Listen at 40 You very well may not need the Birth Control...Unlike an unnamed Bettie...The Bitch Gets Preggers when Fish Spawn...and Im sure you are keeping it safe....but just in case you forgot to pick up the Trojan Vibrating Sperma-Lube Ribbed with the anal tickler at the drug store...Sexually Transmitted Crotch Crawlers are on the rise within your age bracket...Actually Sexually Transmitted disease amongst Senior Citizens (Affectionately referred to as the Blue Hairs)is also on the rise but this Bettie just threw up in her mouth a little thinking about it! Be Safe My Bettie...and knock the Bottom out that Thang!

~The Love Muffin!




Um.  Wow, Betties.  That was great.  So until next week, I'll leave you all with a musical selection.


10 comments:

  1. Sing it with me! I am not a whore, but I like to do it!

    *shakes ass*

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  2. Where is this woman? I might be able to help. I can actually cure women of their sexual addictions, as well as their feelings of heterosexuality in general.

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  3. Bwahaha! You'll have to ask Muffin to be put through to her. We can tell her to approach you, because we don't give away our subjects. :)

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  4. And I didn't see you shakin' it. Betties want you to shake it.

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  5. OMG! The song is like the best song ever!
    I was trying to be firm yet friendly! Hey like there is no such thing as a 40 year old slut! Right? Thats like a 20 something thing?! If I were single I would so be a slut!

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  6. I dunno. I probably turned a few Betties to Rogers just with these remarks. And I'm always shaking it (because of my deformed hip).

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  7. The Betties do need a jolly good rogering. Am I am a Rogers, actually. ;)

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  8. Gah! I mean AND, of course. I like to start sentences with "and".

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  9. lol! I screwed up and Posted my Saturday Blog today like a total Asshole! I just reigned it in and changed the Dates...Worse yet is I sent Ricks Holly an email that dropped the F Bomb like 1000xs, cuz from my crack berry I thought I was emailing YOU! I wanted you to pull my blog down! Im so embarrassed!

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  10. OMG that is HILARIOUS!!!! I'm sure she'll understand, she's really awesome, lol.

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