Thursday, March 4, 2010

It's the Betties Friday Advice Day!

Hello gentle readers, it's Friday, which means it's Betties Advice Day. You all know how it works by now, you send in your questions to before Wednesday night, and we will pick out two each week that we think we can give helpful advice to. Let's see what our mail bag has for us this week.

Dear Betties;

I have a male friend who seems to want to move our friendship in another direction - the bedroom. I am not interested in him in that way and have told him so. To make it more uncomfortable, he is constantly in my space trying to hug me or pat me on the shoulder or brush my hair off my face. I am NOT a huggy-kissy person, and if this continues, I don't even know if the friendship can exist or if it even is worth saving. I have told him bluntly and honestly. What else can I do?


Too Much Attention.

Pina says:

Dear TMA,

If you have been as honest as you can about how you feel about your friend, it seems like there is very little left for you to do or say. Really, the only advice I have is perhaps you may want to make a pro-con list regarding this friend, and if you decide to stay friends, have one more very blunt conversation about the fact he makes you uncomfortable being in your space. If he doesn't respect your wishes, then perhaps it is time for you both to move on. Sorry that's the best I've got.

Twills says,

Dear Space Saver,

Ew.  If he doesn't want to back that shit up, tell him to fuck off.  There is nothing worse than a close-talker.  FYI, Octo-Man:  If you can smell her breath, she can smell yours!  

If you've already told him clearly and concisely, there isn't much else you can do if he won't get the hint.  If he persists, consider a restraining order.  He's giving me the creeps and I don't even know him.  Gah!

Don't touch me,


Dear TMA,

I'm sorry your friend doesn't understand clear communication! Perhaps you have a wingman that can step in and or up to the plate and advise him that his unwanted advances will no longer be tolerated? Or sadly perhaps, it is time to close the door on that relationship? I do think it is wise to address the fact that with the friend gone from your life the attention and the advances no longer there you may find your ego missing the friend! Every girl likes to know they are attractive to someone!

The Muffin thinks you're adorable!

Dear Betties;

My husband and I like to watch porn together, sometimes to get ideas to spice up our love life. Lately, he has been bringing a lot of anal porn home. Now we have had anal sex a few times, and although I wasn't a huge fan, I did enjoy the fact that my husband seemed to really get off on it. I didn't really understand the huge attraction, so the other day, I took a small mirror and went into the bathroom to see what all the hubbub was about. I just about screamed out loud!! It was NOTHING like I saw in the porn we watched, and it is extremely unattractive. I have no idea why my husband is so attracted to such an area. I don't mind the act of anal sex, but with the way my no no hole looks, I am not interested in letting my husband see it at all. Help me, please!


Away from the No No Hole.

Pina says;

Dear No No Hole;

If you are willing to continue with your husband's new fetish, then there are some things you can do to tidy up and pretty up that spot. First, I suggest a Brazilian wax. Next, there are products on the market that you can use at home to get rid of any staining or discolor. You don't think porn stars are born with sparkling clean anuses, do you? There is work involved. If you are not comfortable with doing a home job, seek out a professional cosmetician or esthetician that knows what she is doing. Keep up with the landscaping on a regular basis, and you and hubby can go back to exploring and expanding your sex life. Good Luck!

Twills says:

Dear Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  Hole,

Turn off the fucking lights for eff's sake if you're so self-conscious.  I'm pretty sure he's seen Uranus before if he's already been using his telescope, get my drift?  I bet you ask him if you look fat in your clothes before you go out, don't you?  Then you get sulky if he says yes?

He's a man.  He'd let the dog service him if he thought he'd get away with it.  Fuck.  The End!

That's all,



Dear NNH, 

What Hot Yoga Move did you get into to see the Poop Shoot? So now that you've seen the the Hershey Highway Up Close and Reversed (Objects in the mirror are closer then they appear and are now right to left or written backwards...) in comparison to before... what changed your mind other then its Ugly Betty(Notice the spelling ladies) Appearance? 'Cuz, unless you are busting out the Hot Yoga Move ( ...and I highly advise against that shizzzz especially in the middle of the required Anal Breathing Exercise....After all one would think having something poking around Colonville requires at least on impact some concentration and deep slow breathing....From What Ive Seen in Movies....) You aren't Seeing anything other then whats in front of you? Consider that his attraction isn't the the look of the Chocolate Star Fish but rather the Size of its shell! I also say good for you for keeping it adventurous!

The Not That Limber Muffin!

So concludes another fun-filled edition of Betties Day.  You have woes, we have answers; we'd be willing to part with them for free.   Let's meet back here again next week, same place, same time.  Shall we?

Oh We aren't done Twills~~~~~~

******What a Bettie must put Up With******
A snippet from: a behind the scenes look... a Glare actually... of the Pissy Betties that I love so dear! And a Few weeks ago I was called a Biotch...Listen readers....We all are victims of the Cathouse! Twills ~I love you! Thanks for your worry of me ~The Found Muffin!
Peee Essss....Don't you dare delete the behind the scenes ....that's censorship and in America we don't stand for it!

If you did notice that we're missing our Muffin this week (No your Not), it's because she's come down with a raging case of The Clap (applause light is in fact lighted!) and can't sit down long enough to type at her desk.  Oh, it burns! (Can Sit...did Sit....There is a slight itch though....)  Send Muff's muff some positive vibes, please.  Along with some antibiotics.

(Save the Antibiotics for Twill's next rage with the Flu....Its Bike Week In Daytona Babies and The Muffins Been Working the Corner! Oh Wait....maybe you should send the meds!...Muffin missed her conference call But....I must work when the customer seeks a Muffin!)

Images used because they're quite badass, from Natalie Dee.

Well, better late than never I always say.  Tune in next week for another fun filled edition of Betties Day.  ~Twills~ ~Pina~ ~Muffin~


  1. Oh how I love you two hookers. ;)

  2. xoxoxox you two make my mouth smile!

  3. The Bottom of the "Betties" was in Fact Twills way of saying that I missed the Conference call and likely would miss my post obligation and I caught up before it got out! Thank Goodness....she was only saying I had the clap! She has a wicked font when she wants too! Thanks for the question this week too....You know who you are and I submitted it for you!

  4. Why is anal sex such a taboo!? Crimeny.

  5. I love my Betties too. Glad the clap isn't bothering too much, Muffy.

  6. Why is anal sex such a taboo? I don't know. Discuss!

    Perhaps because the men are all secretly gay? ;)


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