I first met The Muffin on MySpace, many moons ago. I was either knocked up for the third time, or delirious with lack of sleep because the baby had not slept through the night in... well, how old is he now? Nearly three? Well yes, then three years. He hasn't slept through the night in three years. That explains why I'm kind of loopy then, no?
I seem to recall her having something to do with winning a goat. I still to this day have no recollection of her ever having taken delivery of the beast, but if she did I think she'd dance naked in a forest and sacrifice it, since she's a witch. A real one! *cue ominous sounding music*
The first blog that I read of hers was because our mutual friend Louminator, (who I met through Deb, who was my first and best MySpace friend) had pimped a blog that she'd written. What was this blog about? Well, she'd been married at that time for about a month or two, and decided that it was a good time to start sharing her wisdom with others on how to have a successful marriage. I knew then that she was my kind of broad, and we've had each other's back ever since.
When Muffin is not busy buying and selling the state of Florida as if it's some giant Monopoly board, she's a famous radio personality on the AM dial. In her spare time she enjoys doing hot yoga, texting people constantly on her CrackBerry, and soaking up her husband Hunka's burning love.
Pina and I had a few of the same MySpace friends, but we didn't friend each other there until I had actually stopped writing in that venue. Too many creeps up in there, but I'd decided that Pina wasn't one of them. We agreed long ago that we wouldn't talk about whose blogs we'd seen each other on because it was too much like gossip, but if you want to read our favourite one, click here.
Pina is a west coast Canadian girl, and has a west coast accent. You already know that she has tons of cats, but what you didn't know is that her cats are hookers. They get knocked up more than I do, and Pina encourages this behaviour so she can raise a cat army which only responds to her command. Look out, West Coast. Pina's Pussies are vicious.
It doesn't help that while she has a tough exterior, she is soft on the inside (look DEEP, people) and the neighbourhood cats prey on this. They all congregate near Pina's place and meow at each other about how she'll take in even the scrawniest, most feral cat and treat it like a princess. There is no end to the lavish attention she gives them, so they know that any pregnant pussy can camp out at Pina's until such a time as she's ready to drop her litter and start hustin' for more tail again. Sluts!
When Pina is not busy breeding a mutant cat army, you can find her... well, online of course. That's because she is the only person who is online more than me, and who also sleeps less than me. Somehow we've developed a Psychic Betty Connection which enables us to say the exact same thing at the exact same time, which is actually quite creepy at times with us stomping all over one another's brain.
As for the fourth Betty, who knows? Maybe she doesn't exist. Maybe she's a guest Betty. Maybe the fourth Betty is you, our audience. Because don't we all have a little bit of a Betty inside of us? Think of the options: Betties White, Page, Boop, Rubble (The original Milf), Grable, Ford, Crocker, (and Veronica: but I have to admit, I'm a Veronica in this one), Draper, Suarez, Rizzo, Ross, Davis, and Atomic Betty. So many great role models to choose from, one can not help but want to explore their inner Betty.