I agreed to write this blog with two very funny ladies and I’m excited to see a fourth! Quite Frankly I agreed to do this damn near a month ago and then suffered a bout of writer’s cramp , Keeping in mind I’m not really a writer, more like a humorist bitcher with poor punctuation and a love for the "..." pause that I am constantly adding to my blogs! .... Pause, Where to begin? Do I introduce myself? Explain how I met 2 of the 3 Partners?....Even though I’ve never actually met them... I could mention I had a wonderful phone conversation with Lori, absolutely loved every second of it! Introduce my relationship with Holly as: Holly is just my home girl from MySpace and I think I'm in love with her... Not in a Gay Way... but in a creepy Stalker~ if it weren't so effin cold in Canada~ Id live next door to her way! None of that is falling into the prerequisite of funny though! Really, These ladies have no Idea How Much Pressure this blog has put on me! The being funny part of this blog is what is fucking me over....cuz I cant be funny on Que/cue ...Q? Sound the shit out, figure out what I mean and move on...Lori buy some Benadryl, I’m sure you've got the "English Majors" hives right now! So, with the thought in mind to be "funny" I was attempting to come up with Blog Topics, You know, that may strike one as funny....I asked for blog suggestions...I got one: a request for an installment of "Dating Website Tips"...It appears a man posed with a Blow Up Doll on a dating website known as PlentyOfFish.com! I guess to show his desperation for a real girl or his independence from a real girl, I suppose it could have gone either way. I'm sure this lil love doll was not the Third passenger allowing his access to the HOV lanes during the rush hour commute! Perhaps blow up dolls could be funny...I have a curiosity about Blow Up Dolls! I’m not really sure if the Mouth of the doll is actually used for oral stimulation... I’m not sure you could put enough air in one to actually mount one! Do Guys Mount them? Well I thought I’d give it a shot and after looking up the history of blow up dolls, I’ve determined there is nothing funny about them at all! First of all did you know that Blow up dolls stem from some fricken Egyptian/Gladiator Statue Making Dude like person in the era of Gladiator dude like people...who actually fell in love with a statue to the point of trying to recreate a "Home" version so that he could actually have "relations" with it? That's not funny! That's Gross! I’m not trying to have an image of some dude in a loin cloth wearing a Helmet with feathers rubbing himself to satisfaction on a Stone Version of Athena....The poor guys pecker had to hurt in the several attempts I'm sure it took to create the portable companion! Then I realized...OMG! Guys really will screw anything!
I read in a playboy article once, about the time the movie American Pie came out, that during this particular writer’s youth he would masturbate to and with anything he could! His poor peter was rubbed raw from effing the couch cushions in his basement. The Couch Cushions had wear areas and holes from all the "RUBBING"! His mother noticed the couch was particularly worn in several areas so he ended up telling her that they Had Mice to explain why her couch suddenly had so many holes in the cushions! Mom freaked out, got rid of his love couch and replaced it with leather....apparently leather is not conducive to Cushion Humping he ended up with what equated to a brush burn on his manhood! Poor Fellow! See that's not funny it’s just a sad tale from some poor teenagers attempt at sex! So as you all settle in to this new blog I'll try to bring a funny quip or two to the page! No Promises though...My other option was a blog about the humor of farting....If the general readership of this page were male and 12 years old... Idda hit it outta the ball park with that topic!I'll check in real Soon! ~ Signing out with love from the Muffin!
On Becoming My Grandmother
3 months ago