Why People Suck

Do you really, really want to know why people suck?  People suck because they never know what day of the week it is.  Certain people even forget to put the kids' karate belts in their backpacks before school, because they don't even realise that it's Wednesday.  Some people suck so hard that they don't post blogs in the morning because they think it's Tuesday again.  That is how much people suck.  So you tell me.  Why do people suck, for you, today?

This is Twills*.  Rollin' in her Mom-mobile, pretending like she knew it was Wednesday all along and that she was totally prepared.  Frontin' like Dilf didn't just buy her a minivan yesterday and that's why she wrote that post last week. 

*People who talk about themselves in the third person suck donkey chocha.  Yes.  Chocha.  Heh.

Anonymous Monday

Happy Monday, bitches.  We all know Monday is the worst day of the week, so let's talk about something that will put us into a really good mood.  The Betties would like to know when you last had some afternoon delight.  Join us in a song, then spill the details in the comments.  Remember to post as "Anonymous".

That's all,

The Betties

XOXO

(close the blinds!)

It's Q and A Friday, folks!!

Hey there loyal and new readers! It's Friday, one of the Bettie's favourite day, as you write to us with a question about your life (ALWAYS anonymous), and we get to tell you what to do.Questions are sent to Laynie2@gmail.com by Wednesday night, and we will get out our advice paraphernalia and crystal love balls and give it our best shot- Bettie style.

Question one:



Dear Betties,

I have a problem that I think I may have caused myself, and I'm wondering if you can help me. A while ago, a friend that I have (we're sort of friends with benefits-if you know what I mean) had just got himself a brand spanking new TV. I asked him what he was doing with his old TV (a nice 32' flat screen) and he said, "Nothing. You want it?) Did I want a free flat screen TV? Oh Hell yeah I did! We went on about our night together which ended with us sleeping together. This was not new, we had been sleeping together on and off for two and a half years.
When I woke up the next morning and loaded my great new TV into my car, I began to wonder to myself.

Was I a Whore?

I had just slept with someone and had received what could be thought of as payment in my great new TV. I wondered if that was different from taking money, or was it just a great deal that got me laid (which I liked) and a new TV came that came that my way.

What do you say Betties? Am I a hooker? Did I just turn a trick, or did I just get a TV from a friend? Please help, I'm feeling so confused.

Signed;

Hooker? or Friends with Benefits?

Twills Says,

Hooker, please.  Why are people constantly asking The Betties if they're promiscuous?  It's not as if it's a problem.  Total non-issue for me.  I don't necessarily think you're a prostitute, you're just a slut.  That said, you might as well get paid for it since you were going to hand that poon out all over town anyway.  Just spread your sleaze and not the disease.  You might as well buy the wholesale box of condoms, because I feel sure that you will need them.

That's all,

Twills

XOXO

Pina says;

Twills and I are on the same page here, too.I don't think you are a hooker, but it does seem kinda cheap to have sex and get presents out of it. Then again, hell, if someone wants to give you a swanky new TV and it's two consenting adults, then you go big, sister! Betties love presents, and obviously you are good at the art of love. Take the TV and enjoy!

Until next week, everyone.  Betties out.

Betties Blender~Its a Mixed up Martini World

In honor of Thursday I the Muffin declare it Thirsty Thursday! If that aint FEM enough then Put on Your Pearls Betties, Im feeling the cocktail hour is among us!
Its Five O'clock Somewhere:

thirst·y (thûrst)
adj. thirst·i·er, thirst·i·est
1. Desiring to drink.
2. Arid; parched: thirsty fields.
3. Craving something: thirsty for news.
4. Very absorbent: a thirsty sponge.
thirsti·ly adv.
thirsti·ness n.


So whats this Thirsty Thursday Shizz all about? Its the Muffins gift to the Bettie's!
Again one of those "Hope You the Loyal Reader" are feeling the interactive call of a Blog that longs to know what you Thirst For! Its not a Gimmick....Its the Muffins Blog and very well may undergo several transformations in its rise to the top of the Blog Popularity Poll.....Oh Im talking about the which Bettie You Like Better...
SHAMELESS PLUG: Pick Muffin

No you don't have to send the requests for Thirsty Thursday to Laynie2@gmail.com
But your ask the Bettie's advise questions are preferred there!

Examples of Thirst may include but are not limited to:

Cocktail Recipes:

2 Shots of Grey Goose Vodka (Or Cheaper Vodka if the economy has got ya down...)
2 Shots Vermouth (Optional if you just wanna Vodka it)

2 Spanish Queen Olives on a cute stir stick of some sort or not
(set aside for a hot effin second)
2 - 1/2 Tsp of Olive Juice
2 Martini Glasses (Or Red Solo Cups)
1 Bar Shaker `I have several so pick your favorite

The Vodka and Vermouth go in the shaker with a few chunks of ice: Shake or Schwirl* (*pronunciation after one) depending on your personal feeling about bruising the Vodka...if that's even possible...I actually get bruises from Vodka...So I shake the fucker!
Take one olive per glass and pour the Shaken Liquid of Love in equal parts over the olives in the Martini Glasses
Take the 1/2 tsp of Olive Juice and pour in each Glass of Liquid Love
Let it breath for a Hot Second and then drink ~Limit for the Muffin is 2!
Well it used to be, until the Pimentos which I described at the time in a very very whining voice as "palmettos", shot out my nose via the Liquid Love Induced Puking!
So just be careful....and: Know, that I will never eat Olives again!


Perhaps Your Thirst is for Knowledge: Topic suggestions are welcome in the comments and I'll do my best or another Bettie will, to answer or address your topic, perhaps even a loyal reader can chime in!

This Bettie's thirst changes very little though: I thirst for Coffee in the morning, and I am trying to become addicted to Water the rest of the day. I have stopped drinking beverages with Sugar....Alcohol sugar does not count! I hear that Once you start really drinking water your body craves it! I have a fear though about all that water! I am afraid my Body may retain it....I'll let you know how that goes!

So there you have it: my new Thirsty Thursday Post! That leaves Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday to fill....We are considering a Guest Bettie Post Day....Anyone wanna take a seat on the Bettie Blog Couch? Blog Guest Sign up as with everything we try to exploit: Can be left in the comments!

~XO MuFfIn OX~

Why People Suck

Fucking Wednesday.  Hump Day.  Why are you here reading this blog, when you should be out humping someone? 

So I read this post yesterday: LINK!  It reminded me of some of the kinds of people that I hate.  I hate people who drive minivans.  The "regular moms" with the mom jeans and the Katie Holmes haircuts, they suck.  I once received a Facebook message from Blunt Force Mama that said, "I'm surrounded by regular moms!  Halp!"  And it does feel exactly like that.  The hot moms, the kooky moms, the artsy yoga-hippie-granola-hemp moms, the moms who don't do vanilla, we're persecuted.  We are one in a million!  We've gotta rise up!

Every day I'm nearly run over by regular moms in their minivans because they don't know how to back them up.  These bitches suck.  This has got to stop!  If you need a giant vehicle just because Bobby and Greg can't sit next to Marcia or Cindy without pulling their hair or tweaking their nipples...

Wait?  Where did that come from?  Gawd!

Anyhow, you don't need a giant gas guzzling minivan unless you have four kids or more.  You can cram three of them into a Honda Civic.  Seriously, I know this. This is what we do up in here, and it works.  You don't need to drive a minivan, and you most certainly don't need this shit on the back window, unless you suck:

Even the fucking cat made an appearance.

Don't you even try to pretend like this is not a minivan:

 

That's a fucking minivan, folks. And you know you suck.  Now tell me, Betty Lovers.  Why do people that drive minivans suck so much ass?

That's all,

Twills

XOXO

*Don't forget to send in your questions for Q & A Friday to laynie2@gmail.com.  We need them by tonight if we're going to be able to help your asses, or help you score some ass... or whatever you want from us.  Because you know you want us. ;)

Anonymous Monday

Hello, everyone!  Welcome to another Anonymous Monday.  Today I am stuck in the house with three kids and it's raining.  In order to help me get through this, I want you to tell me something shocking.

Party in the comments.  Go!

That's all, 

Twills

XOXO

(get your hand off my ass)

Why I love me, and Now you can love me too...

So I had a comment from an "unnamed source" mention that I might be slightly egotistical. I don't disagree! Well wait...I do actually disagree a little....I'm actually a lot egotistical! I don't see anything wrong with thinking my shit doesn't stink....Ive actually smelt it, and I maintain that my shit doesn't stink! So anyway, Its been a while since I gave a how to love yourself seminar and why its important! I dont charge for this good common sense shit either so if you take nothing from this thats useful, then you suck. Dont ask for a refund! This is my blogger profile, as you can see I am lickable! That's Hunka wanting to lick me! Hunka is one of the reasons I am so damn egotistical! This man Loves My Fricken Guts! He loves me more then my kids, and more then my parents! Its actually quite sick how much he does love me! He loves me so much that there are days he is so paralyzed by my awesomeness, that he just stares at me with this washed over blank stare! Those are the days that I'm at my most egotistical best! Those are also the days any other man or beast would run screaming for the hills! Ok Ok Ok....So on with it!

Simply Put I believe: If you aren't happy, that's your own fault! I spent many years not happy. When it came right down to it, I decided to change! So...suggestion 1: decide right now that you are going to be happy! Its really easy!


Happy is not a given and doesn't happen 24/7! Suggestion 2: Don't dream so big you cant realize it...Set obtainable Happy goals! For each shitty thing that happens in a day or along the way find a more positive outlook on it....example: I was having a beer with my Bestie's and Was WAY bragging to a friend in another state via a phone call that the temperature, the sunset, the Beer, and company were perfect.....Just at the time he was preparing for a long night shift on the job....I was happy! As Karma would have it...for bragging that is....A Seagull Shit on me! For the record....seagull shit smells like rotten fish, further proof that my own shit does not stink!......Ackkkkkk!!! Did I let that ruin my evening? No, because even though I was Bragging and Karma was Karma~ing... Being Shit on by a bird is good luck!
And knowing I was shit on for bragging, I took the high road, I told my friend that I was bragging to ...that a Gull had Just shit on me....his reply: Ha! Karma, Bitch! Me Being Shit on~ also made him Happy....I do enjoy bringing happiness to those around me! I simply refused to have a shitty evening...Pun intended!

I spend several days a month reassessing if I'm still happy and I spend a few minutes each day deciding how I can and will be happier in the future. You too can do this!
Final Suggestion: Just Stay Positive! Stop Bitching! Suck it up and take your Lumps, You'll be happier for it!
Its easier then you think to find a positive prospective/perspective...If you are a pessimistic person then you choose to be negative! Don't tell me that you choose this so you aren't disappointed in the long run...Thats a Load of Gull Shit my friend...Cuz Im not disappointed in the long run either! Im Happy and I know it and my life it surely shows it, and you can be happy too ....Just make the decision and Clap you Hands!

There is a pondering on my blogger profile that says:
"If you had only one wish to grant for one person who would it be for and what would you grant them...." This question was posed to me in 2004....I answered ...If I could grant one wish for one person, it would be for me and I would be happy.... With a Red marker, mark Happy as DONE!

Good Luck and Be Happy!
XO~Muffin~OX