Good morning minions. Let's get down to business and dish out some helpful advice to someone that thinks the Betties are wise. (doesn't everyone)
So for those who don't know, Friday is the day we take one of the questions sent into us at Laynie2@gmail.com, and we answer it based on our vast knowledge and empathetic hearts. So if you have a question, come on! send it in. What could it hurt?
So, our question this week is about a young girl who needs some guidance on how to proceed with her life. Here we go:
Dear Betties,
I am a 15 year old girl and I think there is something wrong with me. I can't talk to my parents or any of my friends because I am sure they would totally freak out on me and I'd be in a worse position than I am now. So here is my problem: I think I'm a lesbian. I am not attracted to boys, and while my friends are all settling into their high school romances, I am left on my own. To make things worse, I think I'm in love with my best friend. Recently at a sleepover we all got into a conversation about kissing, and we played an all girl version of spin the bottle. Most girls just gave each other a peck on the lips, but when my best friend spun the bottle and it landed on me, she gave me a deep tongue kiss. I thought I was going to die I was so happy. My whole body tingled, and I hoped like crazy that we would get to do that again. It didn't happen, but some of the girls started joking and calling us Lesbos and Dykes. My best friend just laughed it off, but I felt sick to my very soul. Now all I can do is think about kissing her. My grades are suffering and my parents keep asking me if it's a boy that's distracting me. I feel so lonely and so left out. I want to tell my best friend how I feel about her, but I'm afraid she'll laugh or say she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I would die if that happened. I don't know what to do. Please help me, Betties, your advice is always so good, maybe you can help me.
signed;
Am I a Lesbian?
Pina says:
Dear baby Lesbo,
There are a couple of things that could be the answer to your problem. The first is that yes, you are a Lesbian. There is nothing to be ashamed of, or sorry for. I believe people are born with their sexuality pre-determined, and that may be what your sexuality is. Things have changed a lot since my high school days when being called a Lesbian could get you beat up. Now, Gay young Men and Women are taking their same sex partners to prom. There are lots of support groups for gays and Lesbians. You didn't say if you live in a big or a small town, but there are many resources to help you through this trying time that would probably help you figure out how to tell your parents. The most important thing is that you understand you are not a freak, or any of those names cruel teenagers come up with. Start by Googling support groups for Gays and Lesbians and Transgendered people and groups in your area, and perhaps look into getting an inexpensive therapist that you may be able to get your parents to support to help. I wish you the best of luck, and the fact that you know where your feelings are at this early an age may be helpful in helping you accept who and what you are.
Good Luck!
Twills Says:
Dear Am I?
There is nothing wrong with you. At all. I tend to think that young people are too young to have predetermined labels about who they are. There is nothing wrong with being a homo, as there is nothing wrong with being straight. Likewise, there is nothing wrong with just loving who you love without needing to name it. You don't have to be a lesbian to love another chick. You don't have to be straight to love a dude. It's more about the person behind the parts. Even I have been known to have a kiss or a crush or three on a girl, and The Twills likes the dick, no question about that.
I would confide in your best friend. If she can't accept that you have tingly lady-bits when you think about kissing her, then she is not the person that you thought she was. She is your bff for a reason, and I'm sure that she loves you no matter what you fantasize about doing to her, whether that is just on a friends-only basis or something more. Let us know how it goes.
That's all,
Twills
XOXO (wanna make out?)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Happy Friday, Minions, Here I am, Pina. There have been some questions that imply that I do not really exist, that I am a Betties alter ego, the one they can blame all their grammatical mistakes, bad punctuation, and low readership on. So I am going to tell you a little bit about myself (not too much, because I've already had a stalker or two, and a lot of my life is none of your business, frankly. Like our gorgeous Twills, I too am Canadian, but I'm on the other coast from her, over here a few hours north of Seattle. Twills is a little more snarky than me, and I tend to shoulder the majority of the sarcasm. I've always been sarcastic, and it's gotten to the point I have been sarcastic for so long that all my tones of voice sound the same- full of wit and sarcasm. I am always honest, and what you see here on blogger or facebook is exactly what I am. I've never told anyone I weigh 120. cause I don't. I'm not going to tell you I model in my spare time, cause I don't. I'm no MILF, like our Twills. (Mostly because my uterus is moving around like a tumbleweed in there) but also because Twills is hot enough to get assaulted by old men wielding meat, where as I get pinched on the ass on the crowded train. I think I have a good sense of humour, and so do the two or three friends I have. I live alone with my three cats (go ahead, asshat, make the little old lady with too many cats jokes) I have three blog sites, some that are family safe, some that are a little more raunchy, and some of them are artistic and creative. At least I hope they are. I have been blogging here and on myspace for well over 4 years now, and while I have been slow to add a lot to this page, I will be making a better effort to post more often. I think that's a fair introduction to me, and it fits in with this week's theme: Instead of having us answer a question that someone mailed into us at Laynie2@gmail.com, we are going to allow you, our readers, the chance to ask us anything you want. If you feel shy, go ahead and be anonymous. We will do our best to answer every question, but try to be relatively clean, OK folks? You're not going to find out id the curtains match the carpet if you ask me. Let's just try and have some fun, and you can get to know Twills and I better, making you more informed Betties minions. Go ahead- give us your best.
Love; The Betties XOXOX(Questions only, NO touching)
Welcome to Friday, the day where we tell you what you need to do to fix your life, because apparently a lot of you out there can't seem to handle it on your own.
As always, you can send us in your question to laynie2@gmail.com by Wednesday evening, and if they are interesting, or they are the kind of questions that let us tell you what to do, we will put hands to keyboard and answer your stuff. We try our best to help you out, but of course, some people are just beyond help.
Just Kidding. Kinda.
Anyhow, let's see what the first question brings.
Dear Betties;
Why are you all such bitches? Your answers to one of the questions last week made me wonder if you aren't all man hating femanazi lesbians. What gives you the right to be so nasty to someone writing in asking for help? I bet you all tell your wimpy husbands what to do too, don't you? Signed;
Disgusted by Bitchy Betties.
Pina says:
Dear disgusting...I mean disgusted. I'm not even going to justify your ridiculous question with an answer, but I will give you some quick advice: This is the Internet. It is free, and everyone who uses it to write or post their art has the right to do in whatever way they feel. Nobody is telling you to read, nor are we even asking you to read. The fact that you bothered to write in tells me that you probably have very little going on in your own life if you are so disturbed by our little blog. If you don't like our advice, I'm sure we can make it along without your readership. How's that for bitchy? Was it as good for you as it was for me?
Dear Digested, Why do you write the question anonymously....You called me out the day the original blog posted and I blogged about it the next day....If this isnt Hottie Husband asking the question, then thanks for reading and submitting a question! Im not sure what "femanazi lesbians" are and although allegedly there is some German in my blood line, I claim to be Italian and, whats wrong with being a lesbian? One would think you have much in common with one? This in fact is assuming again that you are my husband or one of his Bromancers submitting the question! Also I must say...despite Pinas submission that we would get along well with out your readership....I like the hot drama you bring to the page! NO PUBLICITY IS BAD PUBLICITY....Bite my Lesbian/Gay Loving Ass! In Hunkas defense, I dont think he would Dis a Lesbian after all they enjoy the same cuisine...assuming again that it is a dis or that being femanazi is not complimentary! So, Im pretty sure he didn't submit this question!
~The Bitchy Muffin!
Twills says:
Dear Disgusted,
If I wanted to be verbally abused, I'd go call my mother. I'm trying to remain zen-like, but you're making it extremely hard for me. All this world needs is a little more love and acceptance. I accept your right to be a nasty bitch, and I'd really love it if you were to accept mine.
Love your friend Twills
Dear Betties;
My husband and I have been married for 11 years now, and at the start of our marriage it was sex sex sex. Morning noon and night. Now, despite my best efforts to get his attention for a little love, he either says he's too busy with work, or we end up in the bed for a two minute hump, bump and grunt. I've tried everything!! Sexy lingerie, romantic candle lit dinners and...nothing.Last night I made one final suggestion to try to spice our nearly dead love life - I suggested a threesome with another woman. I'm not bisexual, but I love my husband and I'm willing to do just about anything to get us back to the way we were 11 years ago. Am I crazy?
Signed;
Trying to get my nookie back.
Pina says;
Dear Nookie;
I think you have given your husband a great suggestion to really sink his teeth into. My only advice is be careful! You never know what could be the end result of this little menage a trois you have suggested. You don't want to pick some young hottie that will really get your husband going, because you do NOT want him to expect the little tart to share your bed all the time. As well, it's best if you have control over the experiment from start to finish because you don't want to end up being a spectator either. It would be great if you wrote back to let us know how your attempt at these daring sexcapades. Good Luck!
Muffin Says....Yup, Nookie... You're Crazy! Good Luck with that!
~Not going to Happen w/ Muffins Hunka!
Twills says:
Dear Nookie,
I assume you've run out of batteries as well, and they've stopped selling them in your town? Also that you no longer have any manual dexterity? Hmmm... That's what I thought. A woman has to learn how to take care of herself first! If your physical needs are being met, it will make meeting your emotional needs easier. Lack of orgasm can make any woman turn into a raging, hormonal psycho. Seriously. Give it a try.
Well there you are folks, another enlightening question and answer session with your favourite answer chicks, The Betties.
Feel free to send us YOUR questions, no later than Wednesday night, in we will keep your identity secret (that is if you use your real name) at laynie2@gmail.com.
Welcome to the latest installment of the Bettie's Advice Blog in which you send us tales of your woes, questions or comments and we either tell you to fuck off or set you right. Please mail us at laynie2@gmail.com no later than Wednesday evening. All queries will be kept in the strictest of confidence, unless of course you're hot and you send naked pics. Then we will track you down and stalk you within an inch of your life!
Just kidding.
Sort of.
Please have your questions in no later than Wednesday evening (wherever you live in the world is just fine with us. As Muffin likes to say, 'It's five o'clock somewhere.')
Without further adieu, here are the souls that need our attention this week:
Dear Betties,
I think there may be something wrong with me, you know, sexually. I have recently discovered that I have a fetish for wearing woman's clothes, especially lingerie and shoes. I am married, and I haven't told my wife because we were both raised as Jehovah's Witnesses and are very active in the church. If my fellow Witnesses knew...I'm afraid of what might happen. I'm even terrified to tell my wife... What should I do?
Sincerely,
The Sinner Wears Prada
Twills says:
Dear SWP,
I am quite frankly more disturbed by your religion than your preference for frilly knickers. In my book, any religion that does not accept a human being for the person they are is not one to be bothered with. The basis of most faiths gives human beings a structural framework by which to live in order to make them a more productive member of society. I know many people of all walks of life, and most of them are good, accepting individuals. Not all of these people are religious, and of those who are, they are not of the same religion.
It takes many different kinds of people to make up this big old world, and that's the way it should be. How boring would we be if we all thought in the same way? Anyone who loves you for who you are rather than what you represent will understand and accept whatever it is that makes you truly happy. Do you love your wife, and are kind to her? Do you have a job? Are you a good father? Do you pay your taxes? Do you volunteer your time or funds to charity? These things are the measure of a man and are part of what makes him a good person. Your God doesn't care what you look like. He thinks you're perfect and loves you for the person you are.
Now let's get down to the underlying issue here. You like to wear woman's clothing, but are you fantasizing about men? Are you sexually attracted to your wife or do you secretly fantasize about having sex with men? Do you wish you had tits and a vagina?
I'd say that you probably don't. Just because you want to dress like a chick in your spare time, it doesn't mean that you want to fuck dudes. But if you do? That's okay too.
I'd say you should come clean to your wife. She might be okay with it. You could trade style tips! Do each others' hair! Go shopping together! For her it would be like having a girlfriend, only you are so much more to her. This is a great opportunity for you to share a facet of your deepest inner self, and it might even make you closer. Go for it, dude.
That's all,
Twills
XOXO
Dear SWP.... Prada? Really? I was so hoping you'd say Apple~Bottom Jeans and Boots With da Fur... I'm not really sure what Jehovah would have said , but God wouldn't mind! We are all Gods Creatures made into his likeness with kindness and good! Unless you're Republican...then you're just all hell Fire and Brimstone and just mark my Gay loving liberal words...You're gonna burn in damnation for your eternal life cuz You're pretty much Gay! Republican's don't like the gays, you know unless its them and its a misunderstanding in a bathroom stall....But I digress....Look I get it, I know how sexy the perfect pair of Supergirl Boy Shorts make you feel under that power suit! If your wife Loves you....then she will love you wearing her underwear....if she leaves you....then you don't have to fear if the panties you're wearing are her once a month panties or every day draws....Basically you no longer have to share! What size shoe do you wear? I wear a Boy Size 7....Please tell me you have little feet, I'd love to borrow a pair of your strappy Jimmy Choo's!
The Panty Muffin Loves You!
Pina says:
Dear Sinner Wears Prada;
I'm in agreement with our resident Muff, here on this one. Jimmy Choos are the things most women dream of owning, and if your wife has big feet and you have small ones, you could buy her some Jimmy Choo's (even though they are secretly for you.) Just don't resort to hair pulling to settle wardrobe jealousies. Now, to answer your problem. I don't see a problem, other than your wife not knowing. It sounds to me that you are a consenting adult with a sexual fetish that harms no one, nor threatens anyone's safety. You are entitled to have this fetish AND to act out on it in a place that feels safe and comfortable to you. It seems to me your real problem is you need to share this with your wife. She will have some kind of reaction be it good or bad, but it will no longer be a gorilla of a secret you are carrying on your back. As for your church issue, ( and I use the word "church" liberally here as I feel The witnesses are a backward and brainwashing cult.) I don't know quite what to tell you. Your chances of being accepted as a cross-dresser would not go over well from what I know of the religion.I would start with your wife. Baby steps, SWP, baby steps. Pina
Dear Betties,
I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I think he might be cyber-cheating. He's been chatting a lot on Skype and using social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook a lot... and I know that he has girls on there that I don't know and he says he's been friends with them since before he met me. But this is all he does. He doesn't have hobbies and he's stopped watching tv or talking to me. All he does is stay up really late talking to people on the internet. Should I try to break into his email to see what he's doing?
Sincerely Feels Cheated On
Dear Feels Cheated on....
Muffin doesn't pull punches, I love you all just the same, I have no favorites....the reason you feel cheated on is BECAUSE THE A$$HOLE IS CHEATING ON YOU! YES break into his email, You should have already done this... and while you're at it change his password to "CheatingDick".
Also talk to Miss Hot Pants while signed into his screen name, her reaction to you telling her you want to lick her from head to toe will tell you exactly where their relationship lies! Also schedule a time to meet her and then take him there at the same time ...make a big scene in the bar and then tell him you Toaster'd his Sister....Seriously, he'll freak out way worse thinking you had a relationship with a girl than if you choose to get even with a guy....Oh and its ok if you totally lied on his sister, from this moment on.... his whole family effing hates you anyway!
We will always be here for you girl!
xoxo The Been there Done that... Muffin!
Twills says:
Dear FCO,
Don't go getting all crazy ass. He might not be physically cheating, but he for sure is cheating on you emotionally, which is in fact worse than him sticking it in someone else. For some people, having sex is like scratching an itch. It's the emotional connection he's making with someone else that is the far worse crime. You don't want to go at him all balls to the wall with fury, it makes you look like an asshole when in fact he is the one who's an asshole. Just dump his sorry ass! You don't need that bs in your life, and there are plenty of men in the world for you to have a rattle with until you find one that you can actually stand to be around full time.
My favourite film is Love Actually. This clip sums up cheaters perfectly:
I couldn't find the entire scene on YouTube, but it's well worth watching the entire film. He's making a fool out of you, making a fool out of your life. Don't let him do that to you. You are worth more, and deserve to be treated with more respect. If you are not getting what you need out of a relationship, cut your losses quickly and move on. Every second you spend with the wrong man takes away from your own precious time. It's better to be alone than to be part of a couple and still be lonely. Handle yourself with dignity and grace, and be strong enough to leave him. The Betties have your back.
That's all,
Twills
XOXO
Dear FCO; Twills is right. You feel cheated on because you ARE being cheated on. I have been through this particular scenario, and it hurts as much if not more than knowing he put his dick in someone else. This was a man I told all my deepest secrets, wishes and worries to. And he was on the computer playing games that I know nothing about, but he played with other people, many of them women. He always said the same thing when I asked him to please stop communicating with these women---we're just friends. Stop being paranoid. But FCO, I wasn't just being paranoid when I found his Myspace page password (I didn't even know he had one) where I found blogs, emails, saved chats, and a few other things....like the email he wrote that ended "I love you, always." It wasn't for me. I wasn't being paranoid, and neither are you. There are a lot of lonely people in the world, and the internet has brought people together, some even into marriage. But he has a partner - you. If those women were to say the things to my partner in front of me, say in a bar, (not that I believe they'd have the balls to say that shit out loud) it would not be Okay. It is not Okay in an email, or a text message, or him communicating with these hussies whilst you sit alone, or go to bed alone, or just sit feeling lonely, even when the one you love is ten feet away on that damn computer again. I'm sorry to tell you this, honey, but end it now. Save yourself a lot of pain later on by ending it now and taking a little less pain, because it's not going to change. Mother always said "Once a cheater, always a cheater." And you know what? She was right. Emotional cheating is cheating. Period. Good Luck sugar, you have a hard road ahead of you. Be strong. You can do it!
Pina
Just so you know, I think he deserves a swift and hard kick to the junk. See how romantic he feels after that.
Well folks, here ends another week of the best free advice you will find on the 'net. Remember, if you have a question you need an answer to, send it to laynie2@gmail.com before Wednesday Midnight p.s.t. We'll be back next Friday with two more questions and the Bettie's best advice.
Here at "One for the Road", the girls and I have decided that our ideas are just too good to keep to ourselves. We want to get the rest of the world involved. Screw philanthropy! We want to give you advice; advice that we feel is worth following.
Therefore, we have decided that in the best interest of mankind, we will be taking submissions from our adoring public. We have deigned to allow you, gentle readers, the privilege of asking Pina, Brans, Twills (That's me!), questions about any type of relationship issue you might be having.
We're kind of like Dear Abby, without all of that emo bullshit.
Now of course we have qualifications, dammit! Brans is married to a big hunk of burning love, I'm a baby machine and I'm pretty sure that Pina is *gasp* not a virgin. (Just don't tell her that I've said that!) Altogether we've been in a wide variety of relationships in the past, and in general we're just really bossy. Who better to help you with your woes than us?
Send any questions, concerns or hell, if your man is a demon in the sack: bragging rights, to: laynie2@gmail.com. Don't even bother freaking out. All names and/or aliases will be kept in the strictest confidence. Tighter than an octogenarian nun.
We will each answer you in turn, and responses will be posted here on Fridays. (Unless of course one of us comes down with VD again)
So get down to it, people. Don't be shy! Keep those relationship queries filtering in.
