Showing posts with label bitches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bitches. Show all posts

Monday, May 17, 2010

Anonymous Monday


Monday, minions!  I'm way too chipper for a Monday.  It's almost as if I woke up and jumped out of bed like a poptart jumps out of a toaster.  Clearly there is something wrong with me!  Where is my bitch?


Let us make that the question of the day.  Where is your bitch and why didn't she show up?  


That's all,

The Betties

XOXO(enjoy the eye candy)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Meet Your Bettie's...A Muffin Perspective

Let Muffin Introduce you to the Bettie's:
In the Beginning there were Two and it squared and now there are Four:

To Start: A Pina and a Twills ...No they are the not ships that brought the pilgrims to the new world you assholes...They are the "Betties" ~ "One for the Road" ~ "Blog Whores"~ with reputations to match. Who's pen-man-ships are delivered with humor and smack, not sweaty, diseased stowaways, seeking a better life in the land of fruit and plenty! They're frickin Canadian for Christ sake! You think they wanna stow away and loose their health care?

Pina~ a spinster drunk, who lets her cat get stoned on the nip, has nothing better to do then smoke like a chimney all day...all the while pondering why she cant tell her mom her periods late! Shes not Pregnant...
You have to have sex to get pregnant...I dont know if shes ever had sex...Listen she'll tell you the womb is barren, she told me the first time we spoke...Hey you whiner, have a teenager hang out for a few days, you'll not find that such a bad thing....Stop Braggin! I'm thinking that the reason she has never given birth is she cant come to terms with discussing her menstrual cycles, and in order to intentionally become pregnant you do need to discuss the cause and effect of your period! Plus, you cant get pregnant "Mary" if you don't screw! (Im projecting a little, sorry Christian readers and we can debate this later, Im not sure Mary didn't hook up with God outside the feed store and get it on!)
Pina, put down the "Rabbit", find you a man, and get you some already!

Twills~ A "MILFY" Canadian House wife- Thats the title she gave herself...Listen up buttercup, to be "milfy": other people give you the title...You egotistical wench!
So you look like a throw back of a 1920's swinger pin up girl with great hair, and your kids are absolutely adorable, funny, and precocious....You got lucky! Oh...and your husband has great genes...and as you have pointed out and on more then one occasion he has great JEANS! I bet if you didn't put out on the first date you wouldn't have gotten pregnant, and the "Milfy House Wife" of your DILF would look all together differently then you do now! A trapped man will always succumb to his surroundings! Jealous Much?



Our Third: Char- Who are you? Do you even exist? I heard a rumor you live in the Sunshine State...me too Bitch, we should do lunch or some shizzzzzz!


and the Fourth-Me!... Muffin!...Bransfun!...Bransalicious!... Yours Truly!...The Unofficial Mayor of Yoville.... I'm simply Fabulous as you all already know and I'm Wicked with my keyboard!

XO Muffin says~ Bring it Betties!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Friday is Advice Day!!

Welcome to Friday, the day where we tell you what you need to do to fix your life, because apparently a lot of you out there can't seem to handle it on your own.

As always, you can send us in your question to laynie2@gmail.com by Wednesday evening, and if they are interesting, or they are the kind of questions that let us tell you what to do, we will put hands to keyboard and answer your stuff. We try our best to help you out, but of course, some people are just beyond help.

Just Kidding.
Kinda.

Anyhow, let's see what the first question brings.




Dear Betties;

Why are you all such bitches? Your answers to one of the questions last week made me wonder if you aren't all man hating femanazi lesbians. What gives you the right to be so nasty to someone writing in asking for help? I bet you all tell your wimpy husbands what to do too, don't you?
Signed;


Disgusted by Bitchy Betties.




Pina says:

Dear disgusting...I mean disgusted. I'm not even going to justify your ridiculous question with an answer, but I will give you some quick advice: This is the Internet. It is free, and everyone who uses it to write or post their art has the right to do in whatever way they feel. Nobody is telling you to read, nor are we even asking you to read. The fact that you bothered to write in tells me that you probably have very little going on in your own life if you are so disturbed by our little blog. If you don't like our advice, I'm sure we can make it along without your readership.
How's that for bitchy? Was it as good for you as it was for me?


Dear Digested,
Why do you write the question anonymously....You called me out the day the original blog posted and I blogged about it the next day....If this isnt Hottie Husband asking the question, then thanks for reading and submitting a question! Im not sure what "femanazi lesbians" are and although allegedly there is some German in my blood line, I claim to be Italian and, whats wrong with being a lesbian? One would think you have much in common with one? This in fact is assuming again that you are my husband or one of his Bromancers submitting the question! Also I must say...despite Pinas submission that we would get along well with out your readership....I like the hot drama you bring to the page! NO PUBLICITY IS BAD PUBLICITY....Bite my Lesbian/Gay Loving Ass! In Hunkas defense, I dont think he would Dis a Lesbian after all they enjoy the same cuisine...assuming again that it is a dis or that being femanazi is not complimentary! So, Im pretty sure he didn't submit this question!

~The Bitchy Muffin!

Twills says:

Dear Disgusted,

If I wanted to be verbally abused, I'd go call my mother. I'm trying to remain zen-like, but you're making it extremely hard for me. All this world needs is a little more love and acceptance. I accept your right to be a nasty bitch, and I'd really love it if you were to accept mine.

Love your friend Twills




Dear Betties;

My husband and I have been married for 11 years now, and at the start of our marriage it was sex sex sex. Morning noon and night.
Now, despite my best efforts to get his attention for a little love, he either says he's too busy with work, or we end up in the bed for a two minute hump, bump and grunt. I've tried everything!! Sexy lingerie, romantic candle lit dinners and...nothing.Last night I made one final suggestion to try to spice our nearly dead love life - I suggested a threesome with another woman. I'm not bisexual, but I love my husband and I'm willing to do just about anything to get us back to the way we were 11 years ago. Am I crazy?

Signed;

Trying to get my nookie back.





Pina says;

Dear Nookie;

I think you have given your husband a great suggestion to really sink his teeth into.
My only advice is be careful! You never know what could be the end result of this little menage a trois you have suggested. You don't want to pick some young hottie that will really get your husband going, because you do NOT want him to expect the little tart to share your bed all the time. As well, it's best if you have control over the experiment from start to finish because you don't want to end up being a spectator either. It would be great if you wrote back to let us know how your attempt at these daring sexcapades. Good Luck!


Muffin Says....Yup, Nookie... You're Crazy! Good Luck with that!

~Not going to Happen w/ Muffins Hunka!

Twills says:

Dear Nookie,

I assume you've run out of batteries as well, and they've stopped selling them in your town? Also that you no longer have any manual dexterity? Hmmm... That's what I thought. A woman has to learn how to take care of herself first! If your physical needs are being met, it will make meeting your emotional needs easier. Lack of orgasm can make any woman turn into a raging, hormonal psycho. Seriously. Give it a try.


Well there you are folks, another enlightening question and answer session with your favourite answer chicks, The Betties.

Feel free to send us YOUR questions, no later than Wednesday night, in we will keep your identity secret (that is if you use your real name) at laynie2@gmail.com.

Until then.......have a great week!

Love;

The Betties